Every year or so I like to ground my kids. Just to keep them . . . well, grounded. Of course I always offer a get-out-of-jail-free card, tailor-made according to my kid's individual dislikes and weaknesses.
This past weekend was my oldest son's turn to get grounded, and I was positively intoxicated by all of the power I had over him. But with great power comes great responsibility so I thought long and hard about the most appropriate key to unlock his freedom. It had to be something rewarding, yet hideously terrifying. Which left me with only one option.
A book. I would make him read a book.
The Hunger Games.
Timely, right? And a sure bet.
Let's just say I wasn't too far off when I told him, "this is gonna hurt me more than it hurts you."
So hey, if any of you ever want to get grounded I can recommend a good book. You've probably already read Hunger Games so may I suggest Tell Me Who I Am--that little Mormony diddy I contributed to, along with more than a dozen other Mormony writers.
You might like it. It's kinda like The Hunger Games for Mormons . . .
Actually it's not. I lied to peak your interest. But that would be a funny book, huh? Maybe there could be a lottery and one Bishop and one Relief Society President from each state could be thrown into an arena together to fight to the death. They could try to kill each other with kindness. Or with meetings. Whoever survives all the meetings wins.
No wait! I got it. Throw a bunch of inactives into the arena and make the actives hunt them down and fellowship them.
I kid, peeps. I kid. The Hunger Games for Mormons would probably be a cookbook, full of recipes for green Jello and funeral potatoes.
But seriously, remember a few posts ago how I said Mormons are people too? Well Tell Me Who I Am proves it. When you turn the last page of the book you will know who we are.
We are people.
Not just peculiar people, regular people too. (Although, for the record, some are a little more regular than others. (Not including my MIL, who has to eat black licorice to stay regular.))
I got my shipment yesterday and now I'm giving away three copies of the book for absolutely FREE. That's absolutely FREE, and if you act within the next four minutes I will give it to you for even more free. Just leave your credit card number in my comment box and answer a few simple questions about your temple worthiness.
Unless you'd rather not pay for it. Or be worthy of it. In which case you can just have it.
Alls you have to do is, get this, tell me who I am.
No fer reals, tell me. I double dog dare you.
Who am I? Ready, go.
The top three answers will win a FREE copy. In the case of a tie, whoever can accurately guess how many posts I have in my draft box will be crowned victorious.
I can throw in autographs too, which, who knows, might be worth something on eBay one day.
WINNERS WILL BE ANNOUNCED WEDNESDAY, March 28th.
Or press this magic button:
P.S. If you don't want it free, you can order the book, minus the autographs, from Amazon
Or press this magic button: